A Tale of Two Friends

I have two different friends, X and Y. They both come from the east coast and from reasonably affluent families. They are both younger than I am, but that is immaterial to this story, which is about different value systems and their abilities to deal with adversity. Both have moved out west during this past year and are attempting to adjust to the differences in culture and mind-set.

X has decided that living out here is nothing compared to the east coast, and I think Y would agree that things are substantially different. However, the way they come across in their shared opinion is like night and day. X constantly complains about how things are horrible out here in comparison to the east, and never seems to be happy, Y although not exactly happy out here has found some good in the area. Both are snobs in their own way: X doesn’t like anything that isn’t “designer “and Y is very particular about appearances, too. Y however, lives within their means, and realizes that although its not affordable, will work to make it affordable or attempt to find a lesser name item that will achieve the same look, and yet be more affordable.

As far as shopping is concerned, X insists on designer names from designer stores at designer prices, while Y is more than happy to buy things from Wal-Mart or Target or wherever things are affordable. X likes the gourmet grocery stores while Y is perfectly happy with the Wal-Mart groceries for everything!

In their relationships with me and other friends X is self-centered and everything has to be about X at all times (or at least this is the image that is portrayed). Y on the other hand, is always there and willing to talk about me and shows great caring and compassion for others. I feel that I could call Y at 3 AM just to talk because I’m feeling lonely and I’d get a response. With X I’m not sure I’d get what I needed even at a normal hour. I talked to Y last night to share a funny event that happened yesterday. Y was not in a great mood, because Y was realizing that some of the decisions they were making were not good decisions and another friend had attempted suicide had called Y that morning and Y didn’t answer the phone. Y believes deep down that if Y had answered the call, things might have turned out differently for the other friend. Y is a true 24/7 friend, whereas X is a regular hours friend and even then, I’m not sure would be here for me if I need them.

I’ve decided to write X out of my life, since friendship is a two way street, not all give or all take. Yes I am sad about this, because I had considered X one of my closest friends, until X’s true colors came out over the past year or so. Y’s friendship, on the other hand, I am nurturing and growing this friendship, because Y treats all their friends the same, always there for them. This is part of Y’s problems out here…too many friends on the phone all the time. Although Y is always on the phone, Y still spends many hours talking with me about what’s going on in both our worlds, asking advice and then deciding what to take and what to throw out. Y also provides me with insight into things in my world and advice on how to deal with situations that I have going on. X, on the other hand, asks advice and then promptly implies that that idea doesn’t meet with X’s standards or isn’t good enough for X.

So I’m done with X. This is a painful decision to make, but I’ve discovered that with a major life change, such as I’ve gone through this year, I need to re-assess all my relationships and maintain and grow the healthy ones, but the draining ones or negative ones need to be placed on the back burner or removed from my life completely. I personally am amazed at how much many of my relationships have changed since leaving my husband, even some of my closest friends that claimed to support me when I was thinking about leaving have changed now that I’ve actually left. Of course I’ve changed too, and I no longer have the same issues that I had before, so I’m simply moving on with my life and spending time with people that support my new lifestyle. However, I can’t help but wonder, if maybe I’m making some of these people think about the status of their relationships, a little more than they want to?